how to make an omelette

this is how I make an omelette myself:  take three eggs and let them warm up to room temperature if you have time, crack them into a bowl and whisk with a fork until bubbles form, pour into a pan on medium low heat with a bit of melted butter, flip once and fill with whatever you have in the refrigerator that might taste good (cheese, peppers, onions, mushrooms, sausage, tofu), fold over, plate and serve

this is how a politician makes an omelette:  a politician is too selfless to ever make their own omelette, they would like to make one for you and hope that you like it.  they will first take your order and remind you they are up for re-election in November, a year and a half away.  they will ask you to repeat their order because they were too busy worrying about raising campaign funds for their next campaign to hear what you were saying.  they will go away and make the omelette.  they will come back and hand you a plate with dried toast.  you will ask, where is my omelette and they explain that one of their other constituents came into your house while they were making your omelette and that person owns a company that needs a government contract so that person gave the politician a contribution and received your omelette along with some toast.  these are the pieces that were left on the plate.

this is how an elite professional football player makes an omelette:  are you kidding? they don’t make their own omelette, they have people who do that for them.  in fact, they will often order an omelette with all the fixings, usually with the help of their agent to make sure they get just the right type of cheese.  halfway through the omelette, they will decide they need a different kind of omelette since they saw a player on another team eating one that looked better.  the agent will negotiate the new omelette and will handle any complaints and interviews asking why the first omelette seemed so good at first but suddenly wasn’t good enough.

this is how Chuck Norris makes an omelette:  according to the internet, without breaking any eggs.


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