Texting the VP debate

Last week in the US, two candidates for Vice President of the United States met on a stage and battled it out for who could come up with the best cliche, dropped name, and nod to the common folk.  Somehow, my brother and I got into a text conversation over the course of the evening.  What follows is the direct transcript of that conversation.  For notation purposes, The M is me and the B is my brother.  I didn’t link to anything from it assuming that by now you’ve probably read enough reviews.  Don’t hold any of this against the candidates.  Opinions expressed in this post are not necessarily approved by either party.

B:  9:33 PM What the hell is she talking about!?

M:  9:38 PM We have the good fortune of being able to pause and rewind.  With that said I have no idea what she’s blabbering either. But I am taking notes.

B:  9:39 PM She reminds me of bill Clinton in that she doesn’t answer a question…

M: 9:40 PM well neither one is going out of their way to answer. Btw, who is this Joe 6 pack and is he sleeping with a hockey mom?

B:  9:42 PM That was classic! I couldn’t believe that line.

M: 9:43 PM ___ wants to know if that’s a heavy drinker or someone with nice abs

B:  9:43 PM “White flag of surrender”!? Gee, that wasn’t rehearsed.

M: 9:44 PM shhh we’re a bit behind. Don’t give away the good lines.

B:  9:44 PM I was thinking nice abs but I was thinking about hers anyway

M: 9:45 PM you like her look? Seems a bit frumpy

B:  9:49 PM It’s amazing… It’s like she’s in a completely separate conversation.

M: 9:52 PM that is a great question about the environment. I am going to answer that by talking about same sex marriage

B: 9:53 PM I can almost smell the home made cookies when she talks.  I want her to give me a bath and tuck me in.  Zzzzzzz…

B: 9:55 PM How many times has she identified herself as the gov of Alaska?

M: 9:56 PM Right on schedule she is on the same sex issue. She looks slightly uncomfortable.

B: 9:56 PM she was making out with the moderator before the debate

M: 9:58 PM stop now I’m losing focus

B: 9:59 PM don’t worry – palin lost her focus ages ago.

M: 10:00 PM I don’t think she lost focus just shifted. VP? Sure. What family?

M: 10:07 PM what does your bro in law think of the Pakistan vs. Iraq vs. Afghanistan vs. Iran as most dangerous

B: 10:09 PM I don’t like the question.  Can I just talk ideology for a minute?

B: 10:09 PM she’s off again… What the hell is she saying!?

M: 10:10 PM I’m 20 minutes behind now. Out of GC contention

M: 10:12 PM I do like how feisty the VP debate is. Less polished than president.

B: 10:13 PM Dude, get ready when she starts talking about teachers.  You’ll laugh your ass off.  Unbelievable…

M: 10:15 PM did I tell you I’m taking notes? This is a gold mine

B: 10:17 PM you’re crazy.  Why bother…I hate how she gives Christians such a poor image – people eat that crap up.  She’s kind of like a Britney Spears meets Ross Perot.

B: 10:17 PM which one do you think is wearing a thong?

M: 10:18 PM Biden is probably a boxer briefs guy and she’s sporting the control top hosiery

B: 10:20 PM I’ll bet she’s fighting a bit of razor burn, but Biden’s the one with a yeast infection.

M: 10:20 PM the notes are great for one liners in meetings.  I’ve been using thanks but no thanks for 2 weeks.

B: 10:21 PM I like Bush’s quote: “today more of our imports are coming from other countries.”

M: 10:23 PM that is an awesome quote.  Joe Biden just referred to himself in the 3rd person.

B: 10:22 PM if she says “Maverick” one more time I’m throwing my TV in the yard.  Like the neighbor does when JR loses a race.

B: 10:24 PM they’re wrapping up – there is NO way I’m listening to her closing statements…

M: 10:26 PM see it through. You can do it. We’re all in this together if we’re in it at all.  I think that was Johnny cash

B: 10:27 PM I figured she’s been repeating her closing statement 30 times in the last 90 minutes.

M: 10:27 PM now is the time to find out

B: 10:28 PM Gaaaaa!! She said “at the end of the day”. I hate that line!

M: 10:29 PM me too. I skip it when reading big red barn

B: 10:30 PM Ouch. The pain!  Her closing statement is SOOO bad!? I can almost hear Springfield in the background.  Now she’s quoting Reagan…

B: 10:32 PM Alright I made it.  It’s over.  Now I’m going to bad and having nightmares. …unless she’s naked.  Her closing statements would have been fine that way.

M: 10:32 PM how was his? Could you hear Neil Young and was he quoting Nietzsche?

B: 10:32 PM Generic.

M: 10:34 PM well good night. Nice chatting with you on this

okay, time to recharge the battery for the next debate


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: